A REASON.

It's quiet.
If I closed my eyes,
I would hear you
But you wouldn't be saying a thing.
I would finger through the pages,
I would take down all the notes
in that tiny black book.
I'd look frantically through the stories
Word for word
From one dog-eared page to the next
And I'd still be left empty handed.
Then I would speak to you
But only as a last resort
And my mouth would open
But my mind would not be there.
And it is not because I do not love You
But simply because
I have chosen not to.

Perhaps it was not the absence of love
That has mislead me
But the inability to express myself to You.

You do not speak
In my dreams,
Because your heart tells me the story.
Your gentle hands on mine
It takes my breath away.

Don't take this moment from me,
Please.
It is my reason to live.

Honey and Clover?

Finally got about to watching Honey and Clover the movie. The characters were preeeeee-tty alike physically but not so sure about the attitude.

The whole movie didn't seem to capture the drama and overwhelming heartache the anime portrayed. Hanamoto-sensei was alot more sober-like in the anime and he seemed alot more protective of Hagu. But he just looked alot like a hobo in the movie.




And Mayama was strangely very much a mess and less collected compared to the anime. And apparently his scooter morphed into a car somewhere along the way too 'cos Mayama seems to own a car now.




I think the worst would be Morita. He pretty much looks as drunk as Hanamoto-sensei in the movie. Like cmon. Morita is a goof, not a bum with gross hair. Morita actually had his serious moments in the anime. In the movie it's like wth?! W-T-H?! He doesn't look like Morita either. T_T




I think Hagu was the most identical, in a whole. Yamada was pretty okay too. But I think it's hard to reenact an anime la.

Takemoto looks like Zach Braff. Hahah. Apparently he's a member of ARASHI; Sho Sakurai. That's just weird.

Jesus.be.my.everything.

Jonas.

PerezHilton-ing. The Jonas Brothers are getting pretty big. There's something pretty endearing about them.

He strikes me as the sweet one.

He annoys me. Intensely.

He's pretty cool. I think he gets the least attention though. Too bad.

Their decent-ized version of BUSTED's Year 3000. It's hillarious, how they did that. They're Disney boys though so it's understandable.

"And your great great great granddaughter is doing fine." BAHAHAHAHAHAH. (Try googling the original lyrics to share in the laughter.)

But this is a good song. Sweet, cheesy, boyband-y lyrics. Enjoy.

Starbucks.

Sweeney Todd is aweeeeesssssooooommmmeeee. Brilliant drama plot, explicit killing scenes and some really good singing.
The movie left us in some sort of an incontrollable high and we just kept laughing after we left. Serena and I anyway. Ju was left sort of traumatized due to all the bloody, fully exposed killing scenes. And the question remains, how a bloody murder plot about a demon barber could be presented as a musical.

Movie ended at around 10-ish so Serena, Ju and I headed over to Starbucks after.

At one point Serena kept talking to this huge fly that sat on her side of the couch. Then Ju suddenly decided to reveal to us her fly-speaking expertise.
"Buzz buzz buzz buzzz!" means "You need to lose weight!" So they said that to the fat, monster fly. Hmm. -.-

Cup Encryptions:-

Julia's healthy Raspberry Blackcurrant
RES : Raspberry Extra Stupid

Serena's Chocolate Cream Chip
CRM : Customer Relationship Management

My Java Chip
WTF : Well, we all know what that stands for la.. Ahem

"KAMPAI!"

Celebrated Parv and Marcella's birthday earlier today.

Happy Birthday, guys. :)

p/s. Coffee seems to turn my face really red hot, or so my mom concludes.

Bleeker.

Michael Cera; he's a dork but he's also uber sweet. In the movie Juno anyway. Even Serena agrees, he's the sweetest kind of guy. :)

Juno's really good btw. Some funny lines from the movie.

In memory.

I miss Heath Ledger already. I can't believe he's really gone. One of the most exceptional and beautiful actors in Hollywood and he had to go so early.


I still don't fully believe it. Even after my sister showed me the news on ninemsn. Yeah, he's the guy from Brokeback Mountain. But I ♥ him most in 'A Knight's Tale'. :) He's the coolest.

Heath Ledger. :)

Juno.

Played 8 sets in badminton today then wolfed down three slices of pizza for dinner over Juno.

Now remind me again why I'm not losing any weight?

Farewell.

Last Tuesday, Chris and I spent our last day with Deb before she went off to Perth. It was a good day. Despite the circumstances. It was the easy-going and light kind of fun. The good kind.

We went to theSpring like any norm-succumbing adolescent would. Might as well indulge for the last time in the mind numbing trend following. Heh. But theSpring is pretty cool, even after the 5th or 6th time.

We shopped and had lunch. Then shopped some more. Window shopping mostly. Nothing's really that appealing anymore. Deb was super hyped all morning after her 5 buck porridge breakfast. We tried restraining her from lunch to prevent anymore of the ridiculously incontrollable high she was experiencing but we couldn't stop her. Before breakfast she was practically a walking corpse. ;p Honest.

Then we whored. In the speeding Getz that gives me heart spasms everytime we get in it.


Then we just shopped some more. Deb took us to this shop in India street to check out the t-shirts with those witty one-liners written on them. It was fun laughing at them.

But after a while we all ran out of energy and sat really quietly in her car. Deb pulled out a bar of Toblerone that we bought along with her *coughs* groceries earlier at theSpring which saved us from mental breakdown and restored the sugar rush to it's rightful order.

Then we shopped some more. This time at HockLee. After circling the place we landed ourselves here. Kiddy haven. The Arcade.

We played air hockey, guns, Daytona, dance revolution, drums, basketball. But nothing could beat this.

It's alot more fun than it looks. Trust me. We even went for a second round.


Got somewhat violent gradually..

We got the arcade dude to take our picture. That's how goofy we are. The day in total was fun. Gonna miss you, DebbieWebbie. Take care of yourself there. God bless. *hugs

A pretty cool video that Deb made of us playing air hockey.

Psalm 143:7

Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.


Blog hopping does pay off.
I miss you, Jesus. I want to come home. I'm sorry.

Of Dartboards And Guitars.

Stopped by my aunt and uncle's place today and on the way to the kitchen I caught a glimpse of the magnetic dart board on the wall. It was really funny looking at it cos that was the very same dartboard that we had played with that one night we all gathered in that kitchen practicing for a performance for my uncle's surprise birthday dinner. Jesse, Brian, Steffi, Mindy and I. Ironic, how we chose the home of the guy we were trying to surprise to practice of all places. Where better to practice than right under his nose, right? -.-

Anyway, we all sat around the dining table and somewhere between playing the guitar and singing we picked up the darts and started aiming them at the wall. And we would fight over the darts and fail to make them stick on the magnetic dartboard. We just sat there. Throwing plastic darts at a wall. Hahah. Sounds ridiculous. But it was ridiculously entertaining. I guess some moments just have a way of making its way into your heart.

McIncests.
LMAO.

Today was the last of my driving seminars and theory. I am so relieved. Now all that's left is to wait another week for my driving lessons to commence. I don't even feel like doing that. That's how lazy I am.

Now that Matthew has left to Thailand (I think he has la) there's really no one left around. Except Serena and Jesse, of course. But things have been busy. All the best with school and work, guys. Love you both~ And we went out with Serena the other day. Was really fun doing random things. GAME PLAN is goooooddddd~ Thanks, Tweetybird. =)

Julia is still away and I'm hating myself for not remembering better when she said she'd be back or at least the name of that place she's at. But she's been away for a while now. So it's been some time since we last had a long, heart to heart talk. Come back soon, Ju. I miss catching up with you. Let's go pooling again. ;p

To make things worse Matt's away at Thailand for a week. I miss my talking buddy!! Come home already~ :'(

HBK.

Watched The HeartBreakKid with Matthew yesterday. Its a good movie. Funny stuff. Miranda is the coolest girl ever.

I miss my friends. Miss my family. Now that they've gone back home and school has started. Julia's off at some place that I can't remember the name of, Min and Steff are all the way in Bangkok and pretty soon Australia, Serena's got classes and work, Jesse's gone back to school and Bri has gone home to Japan.

I miss you guys. I miss having the company. It feels odd. Everything feels odd.

I want someone who'll hang around with me all the time and it wouldn't matter what we do. Just to kill time and have fun. Lots and lots of fun.

And I'm just lazier than ever now. I'd like to think that I probably am one of the laziest probationary drivers around. I mean, I can't even get past the studying part for crying out loud. I'm just soooo lazy.

Can't wait to go out with the band again. ♥
Too bad Ju has to go teach kampung children sing. Hmph. But I'm proud of you, hun.

A picture with the mysterious Matthew who's name keeps popping up on my blog.

KPP.

The seminar today was really.. well, I don't want to go back la. That about sums it up. Its really uncomfortable being in an environment so foreign 'cos I think most people there are from Kota Samarahan. And going for my seminar so early in the year means I pretty much get sorted into the group with all the more senior citizens who are probably giving this their second shot.

Anyhow, the having-no-company part bites too. The worst part is there's another 6-hour long workshop that I have to sit through on my own; 3 hours of which consists of some practical that I am so not looking forward to eventhough I have no clue what it is. Seriously, I can't wait to get this over with. It's not so much of being alone that I hate, it's the being-surrounded-by-foreign-people-that-are-just-really-hard-to-feel-comfortable-around environment that comes with it. You just stick out like a sore thumb in there. I think I was one of only two Chinese girls in that seminar. But my dad says the workshop will probably consist of a different crowd. Hope he's right.

As for the talk itself, the second half was alright 'cos the dude was pretty funny. Fell asleep for the first half though. So I doodled cadaver (quote Matt ;p) and a Paramore shrine in my book.

(Jess, what have you done to me. I'm obsessed with Paramore now.)

And Lidi was super sweet too. She texted me during the second half of the seminar to make sure my brains weren't oozing out of my head due to the excruciatingly dull seminar and once too @7:30am this morning. She was feeling bad for letting me sit through the seminar alone. She made me laugh so much, I was afraid someone around me was gonna report me for bad mental health. Anyway, I really appreciate it, if you're reading this (though I doubt you are ^^"). Sorry for being such a jerk all the time. ♥

So anyway, yeah. I only totalled about 4 hours of sleep altogether. So, I'm off.

Goodnight.

Msgs.

My loyalties and priorities have been divided lately and it feels like I've lost touch with the Big Guy again. It's not that He's not been here for me. It's just the opposite 'cos I keep running off. And sometimes He tries to send me these messages, to talk to me, but I've just been too caught up to listen.

Things are looking up though. And whoever said prayer doesn't work is about ten miles off. It's hard to really put aside a portion of your time to really just sit down there and solely devote those moments to God, whatever it is that you choose to do with Him. But it takes time and I believe that it's okay to take it slow.

I've been getting messages lately. Alot of them. When I went for mass the other day, the priest said that we should welcome change and be brave to accept whatever it is we have to take a plunge into to complete God's kingdom in heaven. It's been hard living my life the way He would want me to lead it but He's telling me that it's time to be brave and take a step into it and that it's about time I do something with the privilege that He has given me as a follower.

Then He gives me these bible verses. I started reading Philippians after coming across an article which brought up Philippians 2. I believe everything I am given is a message and not of pure coincidence. This book teaches us how to be good Christians and I know that's what I need right now.

Regarding my problem with loyalties on the other hand, He has given me these. Isaiah
44:9-20, Isaiah 46:5-7, Exodus 20:3-6, John 4:24, Acts 17:24-25, through this. I'm not too sure how I'm going to amend this but it's really nice to know He's always had my back. Even when I walked off.

An excerpt of Exodus 20: 3-6 :

"... You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God.."

That is soo sweet. LOL. : )

And my favourite part of the testimony is the last line of this passage:

Before, I used to wonder, "Why they keep reading the Bible? For one
thing, no pictures and it seem boring." And God help me overcome that too.
God has answered a lot of my questions and still do. When I get 4-5
messages on the same subject from different sources in a week, it is not
coincidence. God wanted to show me His truth and reveal Himself more
than I desire to seek it. God¡¯s love for me is without condition or
reservation. He waited patiently for me to turn to Him. No matter what I
have done or failed to do or what I have become from being away from Him,
He still wanted me back.


The thing about this relationship with God is, once you've really started you can't turn back. Not because you have no choice, but because once you've really felt what He can give you, you never want to leave. Ever.

Shit, I'm alive. xD

Just realized that Deb tagged me. Sheesh. LOL.

1. Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?
:: in bed; as i've been for the past 48 hours. lol.

2. What was the first thing you thought of this morning?
:: "uggghhhhhhh."

3. Is the person you have a crush on older or younger than you?
:: eee. so kepo. ;p

4. What did you do last night?
:: lie in bed. hahah.

5. What do you hope to do this weekend?
:: survive the driving seminar? xD

6. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
:: err.. doubt it.

7. What song are you listening to?
:: nothing. music not on this computer.

8. Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them?
:: hahah. yeah i'm gonna go with deb's answer and say my dad. every night. :)

9. How’s your heart lately?
:: err.. fine? 0_o

10. What were you doing at 7 a.m?
:: sleeping la, crazy.

11. What were you doing this afternoon at 12 p.m.?
:: hmm. still in bed. my life isn't very colourful, is it? ;p

12. What was the reason you last cried?
:: personal reasons.

13. What was the last movie you saw in theaters?
:: I AM LEGEND. 5 out of 5 stars. xD

14. Have you ever driven without a license?
:: yesss~ my parents were teaching me.

15. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
:: haha yep. audrey@joyce's birthday party. she drank tuak. LOL.

16. How many red lights have you ran?
:: none so far. no license.

17. Have you ever cried while in the shower?
:: yep.

18. Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
:: don't remember anymore la. you don't keep stuff like that lingering in your heart.

19. When was the last time you were given roses?
:: erm.. form4 valentine's day. i got 3, i think. they were friendly ones, yeah.

20. Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
:: nope. just glad to be alive. haha.

21. Where did your last hug take place?
:: somewhere at the pool place at medan pelita, i'm guessing. juliaaa~

22. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
:: yeah. some strange people like to spell my name with two c's and one s. i mean, who does that?!

23. Do you drink tea?
:: not really. not a fan.

24. When was the last time you saw a cop?
:: it's been a while.

25. Do you wet the toothbrush before the toothpaste?
:: yep. i don't want to water to run the toothpaste off my toothbrush. teeheeheehee.

26. Does someone like you?
:: bingo, i hope.

27. What do you hope to accomplish before the year ends?
:: all of my 5 important resolutions.

28. Tag 5 people.
:: julia, serena, aniway, chris and jesse.

Fun-ness?

Today I finished my romance novel and learned that if you roll doubles for more than three times in a row in Monopoly, you go straight to jail. Freedom is sweet.

Got to catch up Julia yesterday. FINALLY. Was really fun. She taught me how to hold a pool stick properly. Heh. Coolness. We played 3 games. And we would've played more too if it weren't for another engagement we had to be at. I'm beginning to understand Matthew's addiction. I can't wait to go again. Got a chance to catch up after a loooonnnnnggg time. Happy happy happy. And we got to play badminton; 2-on-2 with Dad and Serena. Ah, badminton. I missed ye.

Thumbnails.

“"But there must be a real giving up of the self. You must throw it away "blindly" so to speak. Christ will indeed give you a real personality: but you must not go to Him for the sake of that. As long as your own personality is what you are bothering about you are not going to Him at all. The very first step is to try to forget about the self -altogether. Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth you will, nine time of out ten, become original without ever having noticed. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up your self, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit every fiber of your being and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in." -- C. S. Lewis

Read a testimony tonight which enclosed this very interesting quote. It's good. To me anyway. It's long, but very much worth the read.

Dear Kampung Humming Bird,

This is for you. :)


I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, ...and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. -- Marilyn Monroe

She isn't exactly the healthiest influence, what with her shady view of life (to me i think), but this excerpt is a good one and I was hoping it could help shed some light on everything that's been going on and help lighten things just a little.

Surfing through Facebook, which is totally new to me. Looking through 3374 pages of thumbnails. (I adore those witty, smart ass one liners). Found some amusing stuff. I love the way I waste time like this. *beams






Some really nice ones too.




Good night. xD

The Suite life.

For New Year's we all went up to Santubong. It was so fun. First thing we did when we got up was swim. Heh. They have this tre gorgeous pool there. Ran into the boys on the way up the suite and they already had their towels ready. Even Serena came in. (I'm so proud of you) Min and I attempted at teaching her how to swim but I think its safe to conclude that we are not such good teachers. ;p

In the end, we had this cannonball competition. Serena and Brian. Then Jesse and Brian. Then Daryl and Jeffrey Koko. Then Serena, Brian and I. Mindy slithered her way out of this one. She was taunted for being a chicken. (We both were at first. It was pretty scary, ok?) And mostly by Jeffrey Koko, who started this whole competition in the first place. And he's her father for goodness sake. HAHAHAH.

After that we went up and it was rounds and rounds for mahjong for Serena and Mindy along with the rest of the family while Brian, Jesse and I jammed.

Then Brian, Jesse, Daryl and I played 'monkey' with a football in one of the bedrooms. It was physically tiring.


It got so rough at one point when Daryl was the "monkey" that the plastic wrapping on the double bed tore at two different places. (He jumped for the ball. -.-) We laughed so hard, trying to cover it up with the guitar bag and sweater. We failed. The tear was too big. LOL.

Later on, we joined Steffi and watched Paris Jetaime on the tiny dvd player in her room. Four of us squashed on the bed and made do. Its a pretty interesting movie with a peculiar concept to it. (And I mean that in a good way).

They were attempting AH LIAN poses. While everyone else were screaming at us to get ready, this is what we did.

Then we went for this seafood dinner somewhere nearby. Lots.of.crab. Was fun.

Everyone was staring at us. Seriously. *flushes red

We, the "kids", spent the later part of our new year's eve night at the Damai bar; for the countdown. The girls watched a Liverpool vs. Manchester City game and the boys played pool. At midnight everyone went mad with the countdown and no, none of us were drunk or even went anywhere near alcohol (too busy drooling over Torres, no doubt) but everyone else in the bar seemed to be at midnight. It was mad.



We went back to suite after that and played around with fireworks. ;p

That's what Bri used to light the fireworks. We kept telling him he was a natural, at this whole smoker thing, but he wouldn't seem to believe us and kept denying ever smoking. Hahah.

After that we went on a movie marathon over bowls of tear-triggering Korean mee and Champagne glasses filled with Shandy of 0.5% alcohol-content. Movies; Knocked up and the Invisible. Perfection. It all lasted til about 5am when Steffi knocked off.


Serena, Brian and I stayed up til 7am, playing cards. Hmm. Why doesn't that sound surprising? ;p

We got to see the sun-risen sky. Was really pretty. But somehow pictures just seemed to limit its beauty. After that we just fell asleep til 2pm. ;p

It was one heck of a new year's eve and an awesome start to the year. I got exactly what I needed.

♥