Fall for you.

I'm in deep poopy. Deep sh*t. Ugh. What the hell am I doing? :sss

If you're there, then I don't want to be. If you aren't there, I want you to be.

Let's turn back time a little bit. Pretend that never happened. Just be you, with me, okay? :( Don't drift. Don't be afraid. Just give me a chance.


To be me, with you.



So breathe in so deep,
Breathe me in,
I'm yours to keep.

Love, ME.

If you were to ask me how I was doing, I wouldn't know how to answer you. When you're in too deep, all you want to do is get out. But when you're not in at all, you just don't know where you are.

I am tired. I am angry. I am lost. I am confused. I am neutral. I am sober. I am irritated. I am unhappy. I am content. I am insecure. I am lost.

I don't know where I am. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know if it was better to have known you or not to have known you at all. If I find out, I'll tell you. But I don't know what I'm looking for, what it is I want to hear, or don't want to hear. What do I want? Who am I waiting for?


I miss you. That's okay, right? You're so far away.

I'm worried about you. Is that okay too? Come look for me when you're ready, okay? Because I'm waiting to lend myself to you.


My Father is my refuge, always has been. He is my direction and my purpose. He's what keeps me going. Life is meaningless, if no one defines it. He defines my life. The only one I can trust with my whole self, and still cry on His shoulders. I don't deserve You. But You stay anyway. Help me to remember. Amen.

love, be mine.

I'll be Abe and you can be Princess Nuala, and I would surrender the missing crown piece for your life in exchange for the world's.

I'll be Mitchie and you can be Shane, and I would listen to every song you have to play.

I'll be Mickey and you can be Minnie, and I will trade my favourite golden harmonica in just to buy you a shiny new bow for Christmas.

I'll be Monica and you can be Chandler, and I would put up with your crazy shark fetish and move to Tulsa with you.

I'll be Kevin and you can be Jane, and I'll let you slam doors in my face and throw things and shout when you're upset.


There isn't a moment that I don't think about you.

Goodness.

This past week, been spending alot of time with Diana. Really happy about that. Its always so much fun. So glad I met her.

Last Wednesday; went to Alfredo's for dinner after attempting to check out the Rainforest exhibition in theSpring.

Ain't she purrrdy?
:))

Awwwwkkkkkkkward.

The next day was the best cos I got to see her again. And this time we hung out with her mom too. xD
Went to theSpring first. Fixed her bag, walked through Padini and finally bought 'By The River Piedra I Sat And Wept' by Paulo Coelho. YAYY. Then we stopped by Starbucks.

Went to meet ChungSiang at the airport around 4.30pm. He was going off to Miri so Diana and mom were going to send him off. Turned out to be super fun too. Laughed so hard.

Diana stole a picture of me and captioned it, 'I'll always be looking out for you.'

Nana and the bodybuilders. See, she's the smallest there. xD

The most retarded of all. My favourite. :)

Then we went for Steamboat dinner with her Godmum. So cool. Loved spending time with her and her family. Feel really comfortable. And going back to her place at the end of each day for GuitarHeroIII with ChungSiung kinda rocks. Okay, it rocks alot.

And finally on Friday, went for dinner with her again. This time with Serena, Ivonne and Kaikai. At Alfredo's again. Then watched CampRock for the third time. It is SOOOO good. Went for movie afterwards, with Jenny, Emma, Ying and sis too. Was awesome. Abe is my soulmate.

See you again on monday, Nana. ;p

She's back.

Looking through these photos, I saw a hillarious story. See if you can spot your one of your own.

1 Corinthians 3:17

He is the sunshine.

And the soil.

And the rain.

And I am the seed. That He grows.

He is love.

And hope.

And joy.

And I am His home. The one He lives in.

Gulp.

Truth or dare is a very scary game.

0_0

After our Physics paper, Choozy and I ran all the way down 8 floors while everyone took the lift. Unfortunately, we didn't run down like any normal bimbos. We stopped at each floor to press the lift buttons on our way down, alternately. Choozy, then me. Me, then Choozy. She'd do the 7th floor and I'd run down first to press the 6th. All the way down 8 floors, so the lift would stop at every floor.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

That's what it sounded like all the way down those eight floors. And we reached down just in time to "greet" the lift on 0 floor.


No better way to end the semester.

In God's hands.

1994 - 2008
Been missing you.

He is King.

Praise the Lord Almighty. Indeed, He is a good God.

I'll be waiting.

I chased you. All the way down those steps. You took the lift, I took the stairs. I still chased you. Why I did that is beyond me. I ran all the way down and the lift was empty. Hurried outside only to see everyone there-- except you. I was disappointed. But I didn't show it. I walked back inside. And there you were. As I looked up those steps, you walked down. You didn't see me at first but it didn't matter. The moment itself felt magical. You and me. Being in the same place, at the same time.

Fate could work so many chances for us. Destiny could write us a beautiful story. But if you don't feel it-- what I feel-- then even this much fate is wasted.

I will never say I love you. Not aloud, anyway. Because how can you say that, when you only know so much about a person. You're a stranger to me. And I, to you. We're not friends that way. And hearing about you, it pricks at my chest. Seeing you, gosh, I could just stop breathing. But I don't understand it. Not at all. How can I feel so much for someone by merely watching from such great distances? You're so near, yet so very far. We meet everyday. Yet, I don't know you. You don't know me. Not that way, anyway. Not the way I wish we did. So why do I feel as if I could get so lost in your eyes, that I would never come back out? You could take my hand and I know the instant you do, it would feel as if I'd known you for years.

Let me in. I want to know. But I'm afraid now. You've shut me out so many times, it's scared me. I'm not going back. Not until you open the doors.

Can you make me feel good about myself? Because I feel so lousy. Like confidence has completely escaped me and I've hit rock bottom. It's not just you. It's everything. It's me. Tell me, can you bring me back?

I'll be waiting.

Miss you, stupid.

Its turning stale. Fast. Sick of drowning in unrequited emotions. Yeah, drowning. That's the word.

It's suffocating.

And nothing changes.

Bye Robin. Missing you already.

Sit beside me.

It gets harder to breathe,
Your heart just skips beats,
Smiles dont fade off
And theres a fire in you.
How touches feel different
And breaths feel warmer
How the sound of my name
Tickles coming from your voice.
Looking at me,
Gazing into your eyes,
What do you see?
I don't care anymore.
Just sit with me.
Sit beside me
And lets fall in love.

His.

I was thinking. About what might become of my results and driving test next week. With both of them coming out on the same morning, it's pretty much difficult to do exceedingly well in either seeing as how the odds have played out. I kept thinking about it. And worrying alot.

Then Jesus asks his disciples in Matthew 14:31, "Why did you doubt me?" And this line comes up before in other books in the Bible itself as well. Perhaps He is asking me this as well. Faith in the Lord will bring us only good things. He showers those who believe in Him and in all that He does only with good things. And it hit me, that faith is what I need to take away my fears. He will give me good things.

And good things do not necessarily come in nicely wrapped up packages like straight A1s. Sometimes you have to go through the difficult stuff to get to the good stuff. So, if there is any chance that I do get something good in a nicely wrapped up package, I will count all my blessings. But if there is a chance that I do have to go through the difficult stuff first, I think I'll be okay with that.


It's not my plan, after all. It's His. =)

Saviour.

Courtesy of Audrey Tiong.

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)


No wonder they call Him the Saviour.

Sometimes she forgets.

It hits you like a disease. You don't see it coming sometimes. And before you know it, your eyes are shut so tight, you're lying sideways on your bed and you can no longer breathe the way you used to.

Secret.

Ju and I went early morning swimming today. Seriously physically challenging. Ugh. But was nice. :) Learnt a new term.

Freestyle = Crawl (the warrior king!) , according to Ju.

Hmm.

Hung around at club for awhile. Ju gave me a tour. Walked back to her place after some thick pancakes which took ages to come. Surprisingly the walk wasn't tiring. K.O.-ed on her bed though while we sat around reading after.

She returned the favour of coming over to my place after lunch. Laughed our arses off while watching Secret with my sister though. It was a really sweet movie. A little confusing in the beginning but once you get it, it's really sweet. Anyway, the funny part was the screwed up subtitles. They did a direct translation of every Chinese word into English.

i.e. "Byebye" was translated into 'Religious festival' (Pai Pai)

Hahahah.

Jay Chou rocks the piano. And I keep falling asleep all over the place today. Early mornings aren't good for me. Hmm.

Your ♥ in my ♥.

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

Carpe Diem.

I think you can't wait for someone to fly underneath you and save your life.

You have to save yourself.

Hello Beautiful.

The object of my affection. :) Adriel. The mob of spawn kids visited today. They're all super adorable and all but when there are 8 toddlers running around, dripping with keropok, its more spawn-like than cute.

Went on spontaneous visiting today too. With Serena and Sis. Went to a few places. Was fun. :) Very laid back.

Just came home from Jesse's place. His room is gorrrrgggeeeeooooouuuuusssss. I suggested a switch but its hard to compromise with a boy who kept saying "MY house. MY house." everytime you touched his stuff. He makes us laugh so hard sometimes, its hard not to wheeze.

His decker bed. And that's Achmed under the bed, the terrorist.

He has a living room under his bloody bed. Jeez. Notice the huge, stolen amp and the gorgeous guitar case behind the chair. ARGH.

I could've killed him for having this.

He wanted me to take this. His collection.

He kept showing off his webcam. He asked, "You wanna see picture? You want? You want? CANNOT! MY house."
-.-

Don't know why they're fighting for Achmed's turban thing.

♥

And Jesse, three words. 'Text you first.' ;) Hahah.

Wednesday.

Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin! So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help. (Heb. 4:15-16 CEV)


Its Ash Wednesday. A time for repentance and the beginning of Lent. :)

Its also the eve of Chinese New Year. I can't wait. xD

Intimacy.

It's like saying take my heart and grind it into burger.

Dempsey.

Remember that picture I posted up a few months ago of Dempsey in a dress?


Jesse has one of him holding his inanimate man boobs up on his blog. BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH.


BUT, he also posted up this super hot picture of McDreamy so all is justified, I suppose.


Wonder if Min's still scarred. Hmm..

:)

And heaven gave earth her finest gift. The Lamb of God who took away the sin of the world.

"My God, my God, why did you abandon me?" Why did Christ scream those words?



So you'll never have to.

'Next Door Saviour' ; Max Lucado.

WYDVC08 was amazing. They've done it again. He's done it again. :) I've missed Him. It's nice to be home.

Sometimes it feels as if what you're doing at a particular point of time could not get any better. Like this is the life. Watching anime, reading, lazing in front of the television watching sitcoms, playing badminton. That's pretty much how my life runs now. And up til yesterday I felt like that was all I wanted to do to fill my time. Take advantage of every last second of the freedom I have by wasting it doing the things that I'd been deprived of the past year.

But yesterday as I stepped into that church, I didn't want to leave. Ever. If I could. That whole day was a spiritual experience. It may not have been a huge hype that swept me over, like the feeling you get at the end of a youth concert but it was something you could feel with your heart. It was better. I felt at home. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to do that forever; be with God.

And yeah, all those things that I usually do at home, I thought of all those things. About how when I got home I could do all those things again. To go back to my everyday routine that I was usually so pleased with. But no, it wasn't enough to make me want to leave. I thought to myself, I'd leave all of that behind. Leave everything behind. For this. I felt at home. Like the first time I went for camp. I didn't want to leave because I felt at home. And don't get me wrong. I have a great family, great home. And I love coming home to them. But this feeling, no one on earth could give me. Its the joy that nothing and no one else could ever provide. He makes me feel even more like I belong than I already do. Even more loved. Even more at home. Wherever it may be.

He loves me like no one could ever love me. And I love Him.

And damn, does it feel awesome. Now, only one thing is left to do. Carry my candle and go light my world. : )


Listening to : Go light your world - Chris Rice

Me. :)

I've been thinking. I wished I was different. Didn't write poems or songs, no matter how bad I am at it. That way I wouldn't talk in riddles so much, wouldn't over think every situation and wouldn't be abnormal. I wished I were simpler. Isn't that what they like?

Did I really ask myself that question? I know I don't really care about that, right?

But I couldn't change. Even if I wanted to. This is who I am. I download an Eric Clapton song just because I see it on Nana and want to hear what it would sound like. I find simple joy in reading manga in front of the computer for straight long hours. I play the guitar til my wrist sores and don't feel it until I stop. I believe that God is the only one who will complete me yet I screw up time after time. I write songs but after a while I forget the tune to my own compositions. I enjoy scribbling cadaver eventhough I know those drawings suck. I write an essay all the way to the middle and start hating what I've written from the beginning and rush the ending. I want so badly to leave the country eventhough I know it will be tough as hell there. I no longer have crushes and I love being single but I can't stand being alone. And I no longer cry for anything because I believe I've grown out of it.

I was thinking. In any case, even if I wanted to be what they like, I've got to like me first. Don't you think? ;)


My big computer armchair isn't all bendy anymore. Hmph. :(

A REASON.

It's quiet.
If I closed my eyes,
I would hear you
But you wouldn't be saying a thing.
I would finger through the pages,
I would take down all the notes
in that tiny black book.
I'd look frantically through the stories
Word for word
From one dog-eared page to the next
And I'd still be left empty handed.
Then I would speak to you
But only as a last resort
And my mouth would open
But my mind would not be there.
And it is not because I do not love You
But simply because
I have chosen not to.

Perhaps it was not the absence of love
That has mislead me
But the inability to express myself to You.

You do not speak
In my dreams,
Because your heart tells me the story.
Your gentle hands on mine
It takes my breath away.

Don't take this moment from me,
Please.
It is my reason to live.

Honey and Clover?

Finally got about to watching Honey and Clover the movie. The characters were preeeeee-tty alike physically but not so sure about the attitude.

The whole movie didn't seem to capture the drama and overwhelming heartache the anime portrayed. Hanamoto-sensei was alot more sober-like in the anime and he seemed alot more protective of Hagu. But he just looked alot like a hobo in the movie.




And Mayama was strangely very much a mess and less collected compared to the anime. And apparently his scooter morphed into a car somewhere along the way too 'cos Mayama seems to own a car now.




I think the worst would be Morita. He pretty much looks as drunk as Hanamoto-sensei in the movie. Like cmon. Morita is a goof, not a bum with gross hair. Morita actually had his serious moments in the anime. In the movie it's like wth?! W-T-H?! He doesn't look like Morita either. T_T




I think Hagu was the most identical, in a whole. Yamada was pretty okay too. But I think it's hard to reenact an anime la.

Takemoto looks like Zach Braff. Hahah. Apparently he's a member of ARASHI; Sho Sakurai. That's just weird.

Jesus.be.my.everything.

Jonas.

PerezHilton-ing. The Jonas Brothers are getting pretty big. There's something pretty endearing about them.

He strikes me as the sweet one.

He annoys me. Intensely.

He's pretty cool. I think he gets the least attention though. Too bad.

Their decent-ized version of BUSTED's Year 3000. It's hillarious, how they did that. They're Disney boys though so it's understandable.

"And your great great great granddaughter is doing fine." BAHAHAHAHAHAH. (Try googling the original lyrics to share in the laughter.)

But this is a good song. Sweet, cheesy, boyband-y lyrics. Enjoy.

Starbucks.

Sweeney Todd is aweeeeesssssooooommmmeeee. Brilliant drama plot, explicit killing scenes and some really good singing.
The movie left us in some sort of an incontrollable high and we just kept laughing after we left. Serena and I anyway. Ju was left sort of traumatized due to all the bloody, fully exposed killing scenes. And the question remains, how a bloody murder plot about a demon barber could be presented as a musical.

Movie ended at around 10-ish so Serena, Ju and I headed over to Starbucks after.

At one point Serena kept talking to this huge fly that sat on her side of the couch. Then Ju suddenly decided to reveal to us her fly-speaking expertise.
"Buzz buzz buzz buzzz!" means "You need to lose weight!" So they said that to the fat, monster fly. Hmm. -.-

Cup Encryptions:-

Julia's healthy Raspberry Blackcurrant
RES : Raspberry Extra Stupid

Serena's Chocolate Cream Chip
CRM : Customer Relationship Management

My Java Chip
WTF : Well, we all know what that stands for la.. Ahem

"KAMPAI!"

Celebrated Parv and Marcella's birthday earlier today.

Happy Birthday, guys. :)

p/s. Coffee seems to turn my face really red hot, or so my mom concludes.

Bleeker.

Michael Cera; he's a dork but he's also uber sweet. In the movie Juno anyway. Even Serena agrees, he's the sweetest kind of guy. :)

Juno's really good btw. Some funny lines from the movie.