Ughhhh.

Attempted at making a blog header. Gave up. Don't bother. Looks fine now. I don't think anyone really comes here anyway. LoL. Maybe when I have more time.

SPM is approximately 15 weeks away. Yes, 15. Finally managed to sink myself into Physics. Pleased. Hopefully, I will be able to finish the whole syllabus on time. Sigh.

Rainforest is coming up. 13th July. I-can't-wait. Even if progressive comes like a week after. Who cares. I need a break. But it's not like I've been studying that hard. Sheesh. It'll be my first time though. 3 hard years of watching my friends go while I stay in Kuching. Ah, sweet justice is served. I love my parents.

I have finished the whole Honey and Clover series. I am very pleased. *grins* Unfortunately, I miss it now. LoL. Hopefully the next anime on my list can make up for it? Currently, am attempting at 'Darker Than Black' because tv-links won't let me finish FMP. Grrr. And it was good too. Hrmphh.

I feel weird. Everyone seems to be restricting themselves of something in the midst of SPM preparation and here I am, as loosey-goosey as ever. Still blogging, still chatting, still text messaging, still anime-ing. Sigh. But it's not like any of these get in the way of my study time. Even if I were to eliminate these things, it wouldn't make too much of a difference. Ugh. I'm confused.

So, when feeling confused, fill in surveys.


Directions : Go to YOUR FRIENDSTER'S PROFILE and list the last 10 people who have given you testimonials.

If someone has given you a testimonial twice, skip to the next new person; don't repeat the same name!

1. Michelle
2. Adeline
3. Chris
4. Mindy
5. Darius
6. Jesse
7. Angel
8. Jasper
9. Anne
10. Carmella


Q. Have you ever gotten in troublewith 8?
A: Uhh.. No.

Q: How often do you talk to 4?
A: Not often enough. I miss you!!

Q: Is number 1 pretty?
A: Yes, she is. =))

Q: Have you ever kissed 3?
A: No, I'm not "L", quote Cindy. ;p

Q: Is 3 in a relationship?
A: Uhh.. don't know. Don't think so. Maybe with her drumset.

Q: What would you get 6 for his/herbirthday?
A: Whatever he wants. XD (that I can afford ;p)

Q: Have you ever been to 2's house?
A: Umm.. No.

Q: Do you live close to 10 ?
A: Actually, yes.

Q: Have you ever slept with 6?
A: Yikes. I know we're called "theINCESTS" but jeez..

Q: How did you meet 7?
A: Hmm.. I think I met her 'cos we live in the same house and we're blood related. Go figure.

Q: What's one fact about 1?
A: She's into basketball?

Q: Do you know 4's birthday?
A: Somewhere in January la. (Sorry, darling. I love you much much, kay? LoL.)

Q: What do you like about 10?
A: She's odd. That's what I like. ;)

Q: What's the next thing you'll do with 9?
A: Umm.. Pass each other by in school?

Q: Is 4 someone you can trust?
A: Definitely definitely definitely.

Q: Do you think 5 could kill someone?
A: Gosh, Darius? No la. (Please be no ;p jkjk.)

Q: What is 8 afraid of?
A: Uhh.. I... don't know la.

Q: When is the last time you talked to number 5?
A: Hmm… Sometime this week if I’m not wrong. She pinched me in Uni I think, lol!

Q: Would 7 and 4 make a good couple?
A: They make a purrrrfect couple actually.

Q: Is 5 single?
A: Umm.. I don't know. We're not close.

Q: What's the last thing you did with 2?
A: I bought a Moral book from her today.

Q: Is 4 in a relationship?
A: Yes, with Natalie Portman/Eva Green. Darn you, you player. ;p

Q: Do you think 1 has a crush on you?
A: Yes, Adeline LOVESSS me.

Q: Do you know 9's favorite music?
A: Rock, I think.




This survey. Not as fun. Nobody I'm close to but my 3 darlings, Angel, Jesse and Mindy.

No one leaves me comments on my Fs anymore. Dude!! Get writing! Sigh.. People nowadays. ;p

"Baby Ally Whatever"

LMAO. Juju linked it to me.

Enjoy.

p/s. i went ahead and watched it a second time, juju. lol.

21/6

Moment of the day.

Choulyew: *rants on about Ian*

Jessica: I don't care, Choulyew. (pause) Ok la. I do care about you la.

-Random girl beside me turns around and gives me 'the look'-

Jessica: *looks at girl* (pause) I'm not lesbian.


Well, thank God she looked away. LoL.


Have started on an anime watching frenzy recently. It hasn't been going too smoothly due to the million dollar reason of time constraint. Yeah, ain't it always.

So, anyway, came across a few sites and managed to compile a list of:

Animes to Watch:
1. Honey and Clover, Season 2. (up til ep.9 so far)
2. Full Metal Panic. (up til ep.6 only i think)
3. Darker Descendants. (want to catch the whole thing this time instead of just a few ep.)
4. REC.
5. Darker Than Black.
6. Nagasarete Airantou.

Will probably only make the list after SPM. Only 4 months left. Scaring the sh*t out of me, dude. But not enough to get me to study harder. Urgh. Double urgh.

fmp-ing. <33

*Homer crashes in slow motion into the ant farm*

Ant1: Protect the queen! Protect the queen!!

Ant2: Which one's the queen??!

Ant3: I'm the queen!

Ant2: No you're not!!


Haha.. Sorry. Just couldn't resist.
The Simpsons. <33 Hillarious.

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My program for my handphone's cable is on the fritz. Some problem with the installation. :'(( Which means no file transfer activity for a while. And I have no clue whatsoever on how I'm gonna fix this. Damn.

Anyway, I have recently discovered a very interesting human theory (basis may not be 100% applicable to everyone, so yes, this is a very objective point of view ;p). I have discovered that we are as happy as we allow ourselves to be. It doesn't matter how upset or how unimaginably depressed we are, still, we are as happy as we allow ourselves to be.

Its like how for the past few week, I've been going to bed thinking and brooding over the one person who hurts me the most. (I know what you're thinking. Oh no, she's going to get into a mindless, unending drivle on how her life sucks and all the bla bla bla.. Not today, folks, fortunately for you ;p I assure that there is a lesson at the end of all this.) I wake up in the morning, grumpy and enraged at the fact that I have to play the role of being the 'bigger man' and take in every blow that he throws at me. Boohoo, right? I mean, it's not like anyone forced me into that decision. I had made it on my own. So, what do I have to be so angry about?

It dragged on for about a few days. A few noticed the sudden change in my behaviour and the atmosphere that I was giving out (it was a very bad vibe). And I suppose as it dragged on, I too, noticed a change in the way I was treating the people around me, but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was that I was doing wrong.

Then one day, someone near and dear came up to me and told me how she, along with a few others, had noticed the major attitude adjustment that had kicked into me. And to be perfectly honest, I was annoyed in the beginning. I mean, here I was in a fix and they didn't seem to put much effort into understanding how I may just be going through a rough time. Yeah, bla bla bla.. self-pity.

But, fortunately for me, one of the many perks of not having been totally spoiled is that later on, somewhere along the way, those words that had sent you off the edge before really do make more sense than you had thought. It was a 360 degree turn. From the grouchiest finch, to same old me again. =)) A person who does not get into a bitch fit everytime someone heads a question her way or someone who does not twitch in irritation at the very sound of company. Yep, I'm back. And yes, that is how bad it was.

So I figured, because I had allowed myself room to soak and indulge in bitterness and unsatisfaction, I had turned into that bitch that no one really wants to be around. I hadn't bothered to try with anything, whether it be pleasing others or what-not. It kept me away from my loved ones and from God.

So I say, you're about as happy as you allow yourself to be. You choose your emotions, not the other way around. You could choose to wear your heart on your sleeve and pass that negativity on to everyone else or you could choose to put a little more effort into choosing your emotions more carefully and saving everyone and yourself from a very bad day.

p/s I would just like to add that ANIME is medicine for the soul. Makes you happy happy happy. Really. And to add even more to that,

'FULL METAL PANIC' AND 'HONEY & CLOVER II'

are the best animes everrrrr!!!

XD

Nokia 3250

most people can't live without their cell phone.
so here's a survey about it.

OK. Go Grab your phone!

1. What color is your phone?
~ black. just the way i like it. ;p

2.Who's the first person who comes upunder the letter M?
~ magdalene.

3. Who's the last person you called?
~ daddy.

4. Who was your last missed call from?
~ mommy.

5. Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
~ daneng. ;p

6. Who's speed dial 2.?
~ i don't speed dial.

7. Who's the 4th person who comes up under J?
~ jesse. ^^

8. Who was your last received call
~ daddy.

9. Who's speed dial number 4?
~ umm.. okaayy..

10. What is your background?
~ jesse and i. =))

11. How many text messages do u have?
~ 992. lol. don't ask.

12. Who's speed dial #3?
~ lol.

13. What's the 5th message say in your inbox?
~ it says that matthew and i share the same fate 'cos we both had something big on today.

14. Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
~ (no matches).

15. Who was your last text message from?
~ matthew.

16. Name every person you have text messages from
~ lol. ok, not that free la.

17. Have you seen the 101 Chuck Norris facts?
~ what the..

18. Who's the 9th person on your missed calls?
~ haha. don't know why. i only have three missed calls.

19. What does the 6th message in your Outbox say?
~ uhh.. there's nothing in my outbox?

20. Who is the first name in your Phonebook?
~ aaron.

21. Who is the last name in your Phonebook?
~ zack.

22. Do you have a camera phone?
~ ermm.. yeah.

23. Who is the last person under G ?
~ gillespie.

24. What does the last text message say in your inbox?
~ something about matty's college.

25. Who is the second person under K?
~ kimberley. ^^

26. What is your ringtone?
~ saosin - voices.

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no reasons.

just because.

;p

A lover's end.

The silence was not awkward,
And the air; still.
Too little has been said and done.
I dream of skies beyond this,
I hope for two different worlds,
That we may share the same moon, nevertheless.
Your words tell me otherwise,
And your actions prove so different,
But your heart is what tells the story.
Struggling to control my every urge,
This sensation is beyond me,
Love had never proved more tedious than at this moment.
To hear the beating of your heart,
All too much to ask
For a simple request.
Tell me, beloved,
Does your heart wince at the very twinkle of the stars?
For we went our separate ways,
With all too short an explanation,
With no proper redemption,
We welcomed a lover's end.
Fate,
Perhaps, has destined this becoming.
Destiny,
Perhaps, has kept our hearts from beating.

Muck Fichigan.

Jesus makes me stronger. More than anything, I have no doubt. I know that I can't see Him but this overwhelming reassuring feeling fills me up inside. I've never felt more comfortable in His presence than at this moment. =))

I feel broken up inside. The trauma left with losing a friend is far too much to bear quietly on your own. The hurt of having the one you care about be totally oblivious to you is absolutely heart-wrenching and no words are needed to describe just that.

I've learnt with my new decisions and outake of life that sometimes all that matters is that you're there when they need you. It doesn't matter how much help you give, it doesn't matter how big a difference is made. The one you care about is happy. That's all that really matters. I suppose that when you have your heart broken so many times, you're bound to pick up something good along the way.

friend is <33.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yet another..

Three names you go by?
1. Jessica.
2. Jess.
3. Phingpong. DON'T ASK.

Three physical things you like about yourself?
1. Everything
2. He's
3. Given.

Three physical things you don’t like about yourself?
1. Fat.
2. Fat.
3. FAT.

Three parts of your heritage?
1. Hokkien.
2. Hakka.
3. Henghwa?

Three things you can’t stand?
1. Smokers. (Includes you bloody open burn-ers)
2. People who act like they know me better than I do. Pff.
3. Lies.

Three things that scare you?
1. Frogs. (urgh..)
2. Blood.
3. Reality.

Three of your favorite shows?
1. Still Standing.
2. FOAMY?
3. Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends.

Three of your favorite Japanese animes? (top 3 in no order)
1. Slam Dunk. (best anime everrr!)
2. Honey and Clover.
3. I'll CKBC.

Three of your favorite current songs?
1. This Is My Now - Jordin Sparks.
2. I'll Stand By You - Carrie Underwood.

3. Please Please, Let Me Get What I Want - Elephante

Three movies you can watch over and over again?
1. She's the Man.
2. How to Lose a Guy in 10 days.
3. What a Girl Wants.

Three movies you would like to watch?
1. Fantastic Four : Rise of the Silver Surfer.
2. Transformers??
3. Spiderman 3.

Three of your everyday essentials?
1. Handphone.
2. Computer.
3. TV.

Three things that you are wearing right now?
1. Shirt.
2. Pants.
3. Underwear?

Three things you want in a relationship?
1. Sincerity.
2. Love.
3. Compromise.

Three physical things about the opposite genders that appeals to you?
1. Height. (definitely ;p)
2. Smile.
3. Yeah, that's about it.

Three bad habits?
1. I'm a bloody perfectionist. The annoying kind.
2. I bite my nails. Doing it now. ;p
3. I'm not a mild speaker. To put it nicely.

Three of your favourite hobbies?
1. Music.
2. Sports.
3. The Arts (i.e. poetry, drawing.. etc.)

Three careers your considering or currently pursuing?
1. Psychiatrist.
2. Major in Design.
3. Master in English.

Three places you want to go on vacation?
1. New York.
2. Italy.
3. Japan.

Three kid’s names you like?
Haiyah.. Don't care la.

Three things you wanna do before you die?
1. Step on the border between two countries and be in two places at once.
2. Get a tattoo at Miami's Ink.
3. Watch the WC live in an actual stadium.

Three things that you are stereotypically a girl?
1. I cannot stop talking. LoL.
2. I <3 Kaka.
3. I have the sexual organs of a girl. D`uh!

Initials of three crushes?
LLT.

Three people you tag to do this?
1. Whoever
2. Wants
3. It

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Aight. Officially finish this post at 3:40 am, Saturday (09/06).

Mom says I'm putting on weight.

Ah, screw it.

Scene 01.

So, there's this scene that plays itself over and over again in my head. There is this boy and there is this girl. Both frantic with expression yet so strangely calm, they look at each other as they stand close at a distance. The girl, under her breath, sighs and says, "..Being with you, its like going on a rollercoaster ride. I give up..."

And this scene, it plays over and over again every time I am forced to face yet another person who proves once again that sometimes your feelings just don't get returned. Not all too often, anyway.
And with every experience a lesson is learnt, sometimes two. With every experience you grow wiser, smarter.

So, how many times has it felt as if this one person was really 'The One'? It would easily touch half a dozen if I were to sit down one day and count the many times I've fallen into that sad misunderstanding. And yet, I seem to let it happen anyway. No, not willingly. Just.. it's like I forget. I forget that it's happened before. I forget and fall into the same trap and get my heart broken, try after try.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Depressing isn't she? I say, yeah.. pretty depressing.

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Just had a really long phone conversation with Juju. Studied through the phone for about a half hour then we just talked. Had this crazy surprise Physics test tonight. Insanely difficult is what I call it, along with a few other people who just choose to shake their head in disbelief of its difficulty. ;p

And thus, I shall kill this post with yet another strange yet very very fun-to-do survey.

name 3 schools u went to
01 = st jude.
02 = srb st teresa.
03 = smk st teresa.

name 3 things u do when u're really stressed
01 = watch foamy. it helps. alot.
02 = shout my heart out.
03 = release the load on my bestie. thank you. =))

name 3 favourite fruits
01 = green green green grapes.
02 = pear. no, not the chinese one.
03 = papaya? lol.

name 3 of ur favourite foods
01 = Burger King! (technically not A FOOD but yeah, good good stuff)
02 = fries. i <33 03 =" ice cream. for sure. ;)


The Whos
Who's in the house with u?
my family.

Who r u thinking about right now?
not telling.

Who's ur special sumone rite now?
God.

Who do u sit next to in your class?
jujiputputlalawu.


The Wheres
Where do u wish u were right now?
where ever you are. contradiction. pff.

Where is the last place u took aride to?
tuition. i suppose.

Where are u now?
parents' room.


The Whats
What was the last thing u ate?
pau. kaya kaya kaya pau.

What colour shirt r u wearing?
white? -.-''


The Whens
When did u start school?
too long ago, buddy.

When is ur birthday?
december 8th.

When did u last go to the mall ?
once again, waayy too long ago.

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So, I've decided. No more running away. No more brooding over loss and just waiting for the whole friendship to turn stale. Maybe friendship was more than I could ever ask for.

Perfectly awful. Blissfully depressing.

Juju is staying at her grandpa's place tonight just so we can chat. Too sweet. I'm wondering, how many people actually look at this blog? (Should get one of those visiter counters). It's been a night of looking at people's blogs and friendster pages which I usually just don't do so much. Not with the blogs anyway. And of course I have my faithful companion to accompany me in this rampaging of others' personal space. What will I do when she is gone?

Life alters things into such irony that once you've just begun to realize its strange twist, there's something new to figure out. Take something as simple as falling for a person. You could be the most appealing person to the opposite sex for that matter but when it comes down to that one solitary being that you truly want to be with, he/she just doesn't seem to see you in that same light.

Or how after you've grown so close to someone, they have to leave under circumstances beyond your control.

Ironic isn't it? How life could take you up so high at one moment, then bring you down so hard at the next.

I stumbled upon a very very interesting blog/fs while 'surfing' through personal spaces tonight but perhaps it would be rather intrusive for me to link it up here seeing as how it does not belong to me. Maybe someday I'll get the chance to paste it up. It is really an interesting story of her life and all that she had to go through as a Foochow woman born in the earlier times.

But looking through all these random blogs and friendster pages has taught me a few things about myself and that is:

1. I am a stalker.

2. Curiosity spreads and kills.

3. I am a stalker.

4. Yes, I am a stalker.

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Went out with Matty and friends the other day. Managed to catch a late movie of 'Shrek the Third' at Riverside because Star was completely sold out. Juju and my sister tagged along too. Wasn't all too bad an outing I suppose. Movie was good. Do not regret catching it a half hour late either. The movie was worth it. It only lasted for about an hour and a half in total. Headed for bowling afterwards. So, I'm kinda regretting tagging along for that last bit seeing as how they totally wiped the bowling lanes dry with me. (I was reaaalllyy awful). Okay, regretting just a little bit ;p

But... ten rounds later, it was sadly time for home. We went our separate ways, said our goodbyes (okay, it was actually more of like a pathetic nod from one friend to another accompanied by a 'uhh.. yeah. so, bye.' but you get the point ;p) and then Juju, my sister and I headed over to the hotel (you know, that hotel next to Parkson that I can't remember the name of).

After an oh-so-long crappy argument on whether the white stuff under the rocks in those pond-like structures in the lobby was really carpet or sand, we went on a 'ride' on the hotel lifts.

Perhaps it was just another ending to a perfectly awful Sunday. God helps me through it. Where would I be without Him, right? =)

Yeah, getting there.

--wake up, wake up so I can tell you that I'm ready..

Watch over me, please.

hating is committing murder in your heart.

Three Small Words.

3 Word Answers: MUST USE 3 WORDS.

1. Where is your cell phone?
not with me.

2. Boyfriend/girlfriend?
girl girl GIRLFRIEND!

3. Hair?
long and wet.

4. Your mother?
best best best.

5. Your father?
best best best.

6. Your favorite item?
handphone and guitar.

7. Your dream last night?
i didn't dream.

8. Water’s the best?
on what planet?

9. Your dream boy/girl?
tall, romantic, sweet. ;p

10. The room you are in?
my parents' bedroom.

11. Your fear?
frogs, blood, heights.

12. What do you want to be in 10 years?
God-ridden, successful, happy.

13. Who did you hang out with last night?
sri sarjana students. ;p

14. What you’re not?
smooth with dudes.

15. Are you in love?
just in like.

16. One of your wish list items?
gibson v-factor.

17. What time is it?
two twenty-five.

18. What are you wearing?
my comfy pjs.

19. Your favorite book?
mates, dates and...

20. The last thing you ate?
chicken, rice, pau.

21. Your life?
is pretty good.

22. Your mood?
i'm kinda down.

23. Your friends?
are absolutely lovely.

24. What are you thinking about right now?
of the probabilities.

25. Your car:
is not mine.

29. What are you doing at this moment?
watching First Daughter.

30. Your summer?
study, study, study.

31. Your relationship status?
very very single. ;p (lol)

32. What is on your TV screen?
ian wright globetrekker.

33. When was the last time you laughed?
very hard yesterday.

34. Last time you cried?
been a while..

35. School?
smk. st. teresa.